They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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