Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
