I'm lost and stupid without you.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
