Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
