No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
