its not stalking. its research.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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