just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
