I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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