i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
