My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
