I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
