John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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