my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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