dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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