I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
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Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
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She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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