Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
