Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
