I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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