you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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