Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
