i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
