Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
