I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
