wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
