Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
