I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
