i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
