what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
