I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
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Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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