can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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