thus making me awesome and them whores
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
