The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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