I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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