No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
