i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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