you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
