so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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