I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
