Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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