Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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