Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
