Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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