I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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