I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
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Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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