I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
