I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
