i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
