I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
