Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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