I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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