There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
