My liver just broke up with me...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
