WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
