i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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