she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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