i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
