She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
