You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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