Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
