I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
