I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
