i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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