Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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