i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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