HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i would punch a child for taco bell
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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