just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
