The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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