Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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