Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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