Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
