so explain again why im purple
no
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
